this is me, so please bear with my feelings

Today is 22 November 2010. I'm having running nose, my left shoulder is aching, and my stomach feel like there are some of the veins snapping every hour. I didn't complained to anybody. If this is the impact of the 40 days pantang, so I'll accept it.

I'm not a perfectionist, but I have my own way of doing everything in order. Planning is the important tool of all that I had been using all these while in my life. I'll get very irritated if somebody do the things I ask without planning ahead and end up everything goes hair wire. I'm not asking people to do things in my way, if your way is better than mine, than go ahead, be my guest. But, if otherwise, you really stepping on the red button. I can be patience sometimes, but this patience has its limits.

I never did anything wrong to you. I always try my best to make it all happen for you. But please, bear with me, this is me and my attitude.

My life behind these 4 walls for 40 days

Yes alhamdulillah, finally, tomorrow I'll be free from the 'pantang' period. This is the first time I feel my holiday for 40 days was a long and a slow period. Cornered by these 4 walls without seeing the outside world, except for the time I'm travelling from KL to KB and to and fro between KK and Lundang, I felt like I was living in a box. My window to the outside world were just through the television and Internet. Yup, behind this 4 walls, it was the time for me to bond with my in laws and my parents. This was the time when you will really appreciate the one you love and who loves you.

There were up and down moments I've been through during those 40 days, but I'll keep only the best moment in my mind. I've decided for my next child, no more pantang at my hometown. I hope, my abe will always be with me, because he is the one who always give me morale support throughout the 40 days. I don't know what will happen to me, if you're not there for me, abe.

Behind these 4 walls, I had the chance to live with my parents like the old days, when i was in primary school. It been like i was the only child at home, but this time, the one that was pampered is Hariz.

In these 4 walls corner, I had the chance to live with my in laws. This is the first time in my life, I've been living at my in laws for more than 3 days. Thank you for the care giving and the love that was shared.

Under the roof cornered by these 4 walls, I've learnt that tolerance is important, forgive and forget is vital, love and care is the core of life.

Thank you to all for all that you've done for me and Hariz. Only Allah can pay for all the kindness.

Berita tergempar bulan November

Pukul 7.15pm 10 November 2010, satu sms tergempar dari dikjah. Hehehe. Rupa-rupanya berita adik muyih. Mimpi kakty jadi kenyataan. Hari tu kakty mimpi tahun depan dik anae, dik muyih ngan dik nayo nikah. Dik jah tahun berikutnya. Jeng..jeng.. betul jadi kenyataan. Salam ◕‿◕  baraka allahu lakuma. Nanti berita tergempar akan diumumkan tak lama lagi.

Thank you to my 2 greatest moms

My two greatest moms, mama and ma mertua who take care of me after giving birth to Hariz. There's nothing in the world can pay back for all the efforts and caregiving that they provide to me and Hariz during 'pantang'.

I wouldn't know there are so many things that you can't eat and do during pantang. If I was living all alone in KL with abe, I've would done all the forbidden things. Hehehe. Speaking from the nowadays young parents, we will just follow what is practical and left all the complicated 'pantangs' behind.

One thing I've learnt from this pantang. You really need the morale support from the husband. Thank you to abe, for being there for me. In the early stage after giving birth, I've been through the post-natal depression for a while. Selawat and ayat Kursi is always in my mind, I was so afraid if I can't control then it would be more worst and it will lead to 'gila meroyan'. Maybe because of too many comments, or too many things are not well prepared at home, made me so stressed out. Both me and abe, are well prepared in terms of financial, but some of the baby necessity are not there when we arrived home. So, my advice to the future going to be parents, make sure all the baby needs are well prepared, especially the basic necessity.

Another thing I don't like about pantang at kampung, I'm faraway from my abe. In my mind, I always wonder how about other couple, how they go through this separation moments of  'pantang'?. When you and your partner are separated, you'll lost the special moments of bonding between both of you and your little one.

So, 'tepuk dada' and 'tanya selera' of your own, how do you want to go through your pantang period.

Salam takziah buat Keluarga Pakcik Mejam

Pagi ini dikejutkan dengan berita sedih dari abe. Pakcik Mejam telah meninggalkan kita semua pada pukul 2 pagi tadi, setelah dipindahkan dari Hospital Perdana ke ICU Hospital Kota Bharu. Salam takziah buat sepupu-sepupu ku dan juga Makcik.

Malam tadi tak dapat melelapkan mata. Teringat raya tahun ni tak sempat nak singgah ke rumah Pakcik dan Makcik Mejam. Rasa sedih sangat. Tak sempat nak minta maaf dengan Pakcik Mejam waktu raya. Semoga Allah menempatkan beliau di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman.

Hargailah orang tuamu selagi mereka masih berada bersamamu. Akan sentiasa kuingatkan diri ini, untuk menghargai orang-orang tua selagi mereka masih hidup. Menjenguk mereka walaupun seketika, sudah cukup membuatkan hati mereka gembira.

khas buat suamiku, teman karibku sepanjang hayat

"mode entry jiwang pukul 4:41 pagi, selepas dikejutkan insan kecil yang kelaparan B-)"

Alhamdulillah, hari ni genap 26 hari Muhammad Hariz Al Hakiim bin Mohd Zulhakimi menjenguk dunia. Lagi 4 hari, Hariz bakal mencecah umur sebulan. Sedih dihati, ayah takkan bersama kita dikampung. Apa nak dibuat, tugas di KL, mama pula kena berpantang di kampung. Ikutkan hati mama, mau aje mama naik kapalterbang bawa Hariz balik ke KL, supaya tak berpisah dengan ayah.

Budaya berpantang di kampung, memang tak serasi dengan emosi mama. Ini kali kedua sepanjang 3 tahun lebih, mama terpaksa duduk berjauhan dari ayah. Setahun yang lalu, setiap kali lepas letak telefon, mama akan menangis sampai tertidur, mengenangkan nasib diri yang terpaksa ditinggalkan sebab tugas. Sekarang, setiap kali ayah nak bertolak ke stesen bas, mama akan menangis. Nasib baik Hariz ada, menjadi pengubat rindu dan peneman mama. Muka ayah yang dah ter'acu' di muka Hariz, serba sedikit buat hati mama tenang.


Muka ayah kat muka Hariz


12 oktober 2010, 5.30 petang, katil mama ditolak masuk ke bilik pembedahan sambil ditemani ayah, tok ayah and tok wan. Betapa berdebarnya hati mama, tatkala sampai di bilik pembedahan. Selawat dan doa sentiasa terkumat kamit dibibir tanpa henti. Hati tenang, bila ayah sudi meneman mama di bilik pembedahan. Walaupun muka ayah pucat, tapi demi mama, dia sanggup ketepikan rasa gerun.
Tepat pukul 6 Hariz dilahirkan


Dalam bilik bedah, Allah saja yang tau apa yang terdetik di hati. Sebelah tangan memegang erat tangan ayah. Detik terdengar suara Hariz, gembira dan bersyukur kepadaNya, semuanya selamat. Ayah terus bangkit dari sisi mama, menuju ke arah jururawat yang sedang bersihkan Hariz. Pertama kali mama tengok muka Hariz, sejuk hati ni. Inilah cahaya mataku sayang, yang kami berdua nantikan selama lebih 3 tahun. Sayu hati ini bila ayah pun turut menangis kegembiraan. Semoga Allah memakbulkan doa kami berdua agar Hariz bakal menjadi anak yang soleh, dan dapat berbakti kepada kedua orang tua dan keluarga. Muhammad Hariz Al-Hakim , pemelihara yang beriman.

Muhammad Hariz Al Hakiim bin Mohd Zulhakimi


Selesai di bilik pembedahan, katil mama ditolak ke wad songket untuk berehat. Doktor menasihatkan mama untuk berjalan pada hari kedua selepas pembedahan. Ayah setia menemani mama, sepanjang berada di wad tanpa jemu. Ayah yang menyuapkan makanan, mengangkat mama dari katil, membersihkan mama, dan segala-galanya. Terima kasih sayangku. Semoga usaha kita bersama untuk membina keluarga, mendapat keredhaan daripada-Nya. Semoga Allah memanjangkan jodoh kita hingga ke akhir hayat, dan semoga kasih sayang yang disemai tidak akan layu buat selama-lamanya. Yang mama tahu, berkat doa ayah, berkat restu ayah, kemaafan yang dipinta dari ayah tiap kali sebelum tidur, membantu memudahkan mama melahirkan Hariz. Biarpun Hariz lahir menerusi emergency C-sect, alhamdulillah, Allah mempermudahkan segalanya.


Buat ayah, biarpun kita duduk berasingan di waktu pantang ini, mama akan sentiasa merindui ayah. Mama akan cuba sedaya upaya menjaga Hariz sebaik mungkin. Semoga usaha mama untuk menyusukan Hariz dengan susu badan berjaya hingga umur Hariz paling kurang 6 bulan. Harapan mama semoga istilah susu formula tidak akan ada dalam kamus hidup Hariz selagi susu mama mengalir ;).

Mama sayang ayah dan Hariz.. mmuuuahh.
I love you ayah and Hariz
 

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